Hey' Y'all!

"Tongue-Tied" from the series Love and Loss, Color Photograph, 12 x 12", 2008

Hey Y'all! I've been practicing this, since I will be going to Texas Woman's University in the fall!!! I'm sooo, sooo excited. And terrified. But mostly excited... I've even been having ideas lately. Photographic series ideas!! WHHAAAAT? Yes. Photo ideas. I've been at a major road block for like, idk, the last 3 years!

So anyway, The whole "Hey Y'all" thing sounds really weird coming out of my mouth. But not any weirder than saying "Yins". (Which is a Northeast Ohio/ But mostly a Western Pennsylvania thing.) Sooo, I've been trying to get things situated and what not. Like how am I getting down there? Where am I going to live? How exactly am I going to pay for this? You know, all of the pressing questions of the universe... Oh, and I got a GA position. That's a Graduate Assistantship!!! I'm going to be the "Black and White Lab/ Computer Lab Co-Manager." So, it will probably be very similar to the type of work that I did as an undergrad, as the "Photo Lab Assistant."

Decisions... Decisions...

When I applied for graduate school, I applied to 8 different programs. With the hope that maybe, just maybe, one program would want me. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would have multiple programs, (let alone my top 5!!) clamoring for my admission.

When I first heard this news, I was extremely elated. It was not something that I had planned on, but I was thrilled... But it was, (and still is), very weird and uncomfortable to say aloud. You see, I'm a pretty private person, and am quite humble, and all of this attention and everyones questions make me rather uncomfortable... And on top of this, I am a worrisome, stress prone individual who is completely incapable of making decisions... Especially easy ones, like "what's for dinner"...

So I started the narrowing down process... And I was left with my top 2 schools. RIT and TWU. (Rochester Institute of Technology and Texas Women's University) RIT is one of the top programs in the country. It has unbelievable facilities and resources and faculty. But it is a large program and it is in Rochester so there is a lot of snow! TWU on the other hand has been my number 1 choice for probably 5 years now. I feel like this is the program that is better suited to my needs, personality, and to the work that I make. And I have always felt this deep connection to Texas. My gymnastics coach growing up, Donneanne Mason, was from Texas. My advisor, professor, mentor, and all-around favorite person, Mike Moseley was also from Texas. My favorite photography professor and mentor, who I have learned so much from, and I credit with helping me to find my voice, Kelli Connell, was from Texas. And is a TWU alum. And this is just scratching the surface.... I don't know why I'm even going back and forth. I've already decided in my head where I'm going. And that's Texas. Denton, Texas. So I need to start practicing my Hey Y'all...

More B.F.A. show images

Here are some detail shots from my B.F.A. installation, "Love, Loss, and What Remains: The Things I Couldn't Say Aloud," that I just found on my external hard drive. The show was from Spring of 2008.

You can see the drawings a little better now.

And I had little "secrets" hidden all throughout the installation. Most of them were things that my boyfriend and I had said to each other, or texted to each other. Or things that I never said, but wanted to. There were also some poignant song lyrics thrown in for good measure. I keep them written in my moleskin notebook, and carry it with me always.

Graduate School aka 3 a.m. panic attacks

"Assurance" from the series Love and Loss. Digital photograph, 11 x 14". 2009

For the better part of the last 4 or 5 years, I've been kicking around the idea of graduate school. Should I go? Or should I not go? Maybe I'll work for a while and then go back to school? What do I even want to do with my life? And so on, and so forth...

So last January when I finally decided that, "Yes. I do indeed want to do this." I had inadvertently missed most of the application deadlines. So I had to wait until next year to apply. (or this year. Depending how you look at it.) So I began getting myself ready. Editing photos. Writing. Researching schools and programs and grants and financial aid and stalking facebook friends that I've made at S.P.E. conferences and asking their thoughts on their schools particular programs. And I was almost ready by the time deadlines began to lurk around the corner... And then it happened. The great computer crash of 2009. My poor 6 year old MacBook Pro (which has always ran rather hot) began running very hot and started smoking... The hard drive was no more...

Deadlines were right around the corner, and I had lost everything... FML... It was hard. But I went down to the university and used their computer labs and busted my ass and redid it all.

I wanted to apply to at least 5 schools. And I ended up applying to 8 total. Hopefully one of them will decide that I am indeed worthy and will pick me. And maybe offer me a teaching assistantship and/or stipend!

Here's to keeping my fingers crossed... (And to hoping that I don't scare anyone away by talking about this!)

Corpus Albicans

"Corpus Albicans" Installation, latex, rubber, wax. Approx. 4x6'. 2008

A while back, I had this MRI done and they found these cysts in my spinal cord called Syrinx, which are kind of scary in the "you could totally be paralyzed one day kind of way", so anyway. These "cysts," (which are actually fluid filled cavities,) got me thinking about the problems with ovarian cysts that I've had since I started to become "womanly." And more specifically, it made me think about the tissue that remains inside of you after the cyst ruptures. It sounds pretty gross. But I remember having an ultrasound done (or maybe it was a sonogram? I don't really remember exactly.) when I was 16 or 17, and the remains of the ruptured cyst were quite beautiful. So without sounding like my mom (the OBGYN nurse), Corpus Albicans is basically the blood and tissue that remains after a cyst on your Corpus Luteum ruptures.

At this point, I had begun working with latex and wax. And I began making these cyst-like vessels. The shape is more consistent with the Syrinx, but I had both the Syrinx and the Corpus Albicans in mind when I was creating this piece. This piece incorporated some familiar themes from my photographs, such as emptiness and what remains. This time, in a more literal representation than a metaphorical one.

"Corpus Albicans" Installation detail, latex, rubber, wax. Approx. 4x6'. 2008

On a side note: A lot of people look at this piece and immediately think "sausages". Hmm...

Multiple Perspectives

"Viscera" Installation. Charcoal. Graphite. Approx. 10 x 40'. 2008

These images are from a show entitled "Multiple Perspectives." It was at the Art Outreach Gallery in Niles, Ohio.

My former painting professor Dragana Crnjak had put this show together. It included work from advanced painting students and advanced sculpture students, some art ed kids, and a few alumni. (Like ME!)

How weird is it to say Alumni? It makes me feel old... lol

Love, Loss and What Remains: The Things I Couldn't Say Aloud

This is my BFA show. Entitled, "Love, Loss and What Remains: The Things I Couldn't Say Aloud." It ran May 2-16, 2008 at the McDonough Museum of Art in Youngstown, Ohio. 

Artist Statement:

The majority of the work that I do is a direct reflection of myself. My work explores varying degrees of intimacy and personal insight.

The installation, "Love, Loss, and What Remains: The Things I couldn't Say Aloud" is based upon memories and experiences that I have gathered from relationships over the years. The images document a distance that has developed, a void. Through the photographs, the distance is represented as a metaphor for what is missing. These images document emotions that I have felt, experiences that I have experienced, situations that I have witnessed, and all of the things that were left unsaid. These images evoke a sense of love and loss, showing how it can affect a space, and also how it can affect a figure in that space.

In this work, I am trying to show what remains. What is left of the body, of your emotions, and your outlook on the world after a trauma or tragedy. What is left when the ground beneath you has been pulled out from under you and your sense of normalcy has subsided, having shaken you violently awake.

I have also been interested in the body. How it works, what it looks like. How the body is this impressionable surface, much like our minds. That every event can leave an impression upon it's facade. How the impressions may be internal or external, but either way, leave the body scarred. The clay and latex remnants are acting as metaphors for the body. They are what is left of the body and your innards after your sense of normalcy has been removed. The loss in this work isn't necessarily something tangible, but possibly intangible.

In this work, I am trying to make visible the invisible.