Monday, February 22, 2010

More B.F.A. show images

Here are some detail shots from my B.F.A. installation, "Love, Loss, and What Remains: The Things I Couldn't Say Aloud," that I just found on my external hard drive. The show was from Spring of 2008.

You can see the drawings a little better now.

And I had little "secrets" hidden all throughout the installation. Most of them were things that my boyfriend and I had said to each other, or texted to each other. Or things that I never said, but wanted to. There were also some poignant song lyrics thrown in for good measure. I keep them written in my moleskin notebook, and carry it with me always.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Graduate School aka 3 a.m. panic attacks

"Assurance" from the series Love and Loss. Digital photograph, 11 x 14". 2009

For the better part of the last 4 or 5 years, I've been kicking around the idea of graduate school. Should I go? Or should I not go? Maybe I'll work for a while and then go back to school? What do I even want to do with my life? And so on, and so forth...

So last January when I finally decided that, "Yes. I do indeed want to do this." I had inadvertently missed most of the application deadlines. So I had to wait until next year to apply. (or this year. Depending how you look at it.) So I began getting myself ready. Editing photos. Writing. Researching schools and programs and grants and financial aid and stalking facebook friends that I've made at S.P.E. conferences and asking their thoughts on their schools particular programs. And I was almost ready by the time deadlines began to lurk around the corner... And then it happened. The great computer crash of 2009. My poor 6 year old MacBook Pro (which has always ran rather hot) began running very hot and started smoking... The hard drive was no more...

Deadlines were right around the corner, and I had lost everything... FML... It was hard. But I went down to the university and used their computer labs and busted my ass and redid it all.

I wanted to apply to at least 5 schools. And I ended up applying to 8 total. Hopefully one of them will decide that I am indeed worthy and will pick me. And maybe offer me a teaching assistantship and/or stipend!

Here's to keeping my fingers crossed... (And to hoping that I don't scare anyone away by talking about this!)

Corpus Albicans

"Corpus Albicans" Installation, latex, rubber, wax. Approx. 4x6'. 2008

A while back, I had this MRI done and they found these cysts in my spinal cord called Syrinx, which are kind of scary in the "you could totally be paralyzed one day kind of way", so anyway. These "cysts," (which are actually fluid filled cavities,) got me thinking about the problems with ovarian cysts that I've had since I started to become "womanly." And more specifically, it made me think about the tissue that remains inside of you after the cyst ruptures. It sounds pretty gross. But I remember having an ultrasound done (or maybe it was a sonogram? I don't really remember exactly.) when I was 16 or 17, and the remains of the ruptured cyst were quite beautiful. So without sounding like my mom (the OBGYN nurse), Corpus Albicans is basically the blood and tissue that remains after a cyst on your Corpus Luteum ruptures.

At this point, I had begun working with latex and wax. And I began making these cyst-like vessels. The shape is more consistent with the Syrinx, but I had both the Syrinx and the Corpus Albicans in mind when I was creating this piece. This piece incorporated some familiar themes from my photographs, such as emptiness and what remains. This time, in a more literal representation than a metaphorical one.

"Corpus Albicans" Installation detail, latex, rubber, wax. Approx. 4x6'. 2008

On a side note: A lot of people look at this piece and immediately think "sausages". Hmm...